Let’s Talk About S*x

1 day ago
3 min read

Ok, sure — the Salt-N-Pepa song is absolutely running through my head right now. Not sure what triggered it, but here we are.

This post actually started with the title “Human Connection.” That’s still what’s on my mind. But if we’re being honest, a lot of roads that lead us toward connection with other people eventually point to one destination:

Sex.

It’s a biological fact of being alive — not just for humans. But for us (unlike many of our fellow creatures in the animal kingdom), it’s not only about procreation.

Quick disclaimer

I’m not saying my thoughts apply to 100% of people or situations. I’m not saying all desires are ok, and I’m not making judgments.

These are simply the random thoughts of the voices in my head — take them or leave them.

A few truths we can probably agree on

Whether you believe sex should only be for procreation, or you’re never interested in creating the next generation, there are a few things that tend to be true:

It’s a normal, natural, instinctual desire.
It feels good (if you’re doing it right).
When it’s part of a healthy relationship, it enhances connection.

Those are just facts — plain and simple.

There’s nothing wrong with engaging in sex — or talking about it.

In fact, not talking about it often causes more damage than good.

(And no, I’m not going down that rabbit hole today, because that’s not what this post is about.)

Where things get complicated

Incorporating whatever “flavor” of sex is your particular favorite into a relationship just makes sense.

I’ve had too many conversations with friends (of all genders) about the unfulfilling nature of their sex lives — and I’m appalled by every one.

If you’re in a relationship — a life partner, husband, wife, significant other — sex should be a normal part of it.

Not to prescribe a specific method or amount. That’s up to you.

But when there’s an imbalance — when one person wants it more or less than the other — that’s when trouble starts.

If you and your person aren’t aligned on physical intimacy, what other areas are you not aligned on?

Sometimes the gap between desires is the issue.

Sometimes it’s a symptom of something bigger.

But one thing I know for sure: not talking about it will not fix it.

So it’s worth asking:

What pulled you to that person in the first place?
What led you to commit?
What’s missing now?

I can honestly say that in every relationship I’ve been in, a significant change in our sexual chemistry was a symptom of other problems.

But when it was good… it was great.

When sex becomes more than sex

The connection with another person that begins on a mental level, progresses to emotional intimacy, and leads to a phenomenal physical bond — that kind of sex requires real vulnerability.

You’re trusting that person with every single part of your being.

No, I’m not saying every sexual encounter is the stuff of Hollywood movies. Come on.

But I am saying that when you have the right person and the right connection, sex can transcend the act itself.

It can make you think about that person constantly — sometimes at the most inopportune moments.

It can create a connection that circumvents the limits of physical presence.