What You Said vs What I Heard

I was having a conversation with a friend about crazy significant others, and how quickly we tend to show those other sides to people we get involved with...or how well we hide them.

The result of the conversation was this short list of What You Said vs What I heard - these are just the jokes people...laugh with me!

“My mother likes you already.”

My mother knows literally everything there is to know about you, including details about the first time we had sex, every time since then, and can do a pretty good impression of the sounds you make!

“I feel like I’ve known you forever!”

I’m so comfortable with you that I have zero inhibitions about farting in front of you!

“I think I can tell you anything!”

Strap yourself in for THIS ride because I’m about to tell you something you’re not ready for!

“You are perfect for me!”

Oh – you’re not perfect…but you’re good enough for me because your flaws make mine look a-ok!

“I completely trust you with my heart!”

If you break up with me, I’m going to slash your tires, and most likely make a scene in a public place…maybe at your job or your next family cookout!

“No one has ever made me feel the way you do.”

I have something really kinky I want to try – how can I get you to do it?

“I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Your bunny should fear for its life if you cross me.

“I can’t imagine my life without you.”

This relationship has crossed a line that you unfortunately can’t come back from, so good luck with that. You literally can’t quit me. I dare you to try. The consequences will be swift. You know that whole “til death do we part” thing? Not even death will part us. But I love you. Forever.